Almost Fearless

Dispatch From Los Angeles

Drew sends an update from the film tour:

I am now consumed with two thoughts; 1 – I don’t have any idea what I am doing, and 2 – I really miss my family.

Throughout high school, I was on the track team. My event of choice was the 400 meter dash, just one lap around the field. I would run my little heart out, then around the 200 meter mark, everything would go into cartoonish slow motion as I watched everyone else slowly outpace me no matter how hard I pushed myself. I would finish strong, but I hit a wall halfway through that made it feel like running through mud.

Nearly halfway through this tour, I may have hit my first wall.  I’m in Los Angeles, with its impossibly perfect climate, spending time with old friends, and the only trip out I’ve really taken was last night, when I walked to Venice Beach.

Today is a sold-out screening here in sunny LA. It is also Cole’s birthday. He’s five. It’s getting harder not to tear up when I see the photos Christine sends of Cole and Stella, who simply refuse to take three months off from growing and learning things. Stella now sings entire songs to me via Skype. My beautiful boy looks so big, and I beam with pride when I hear stories about how he stops Turkish locals on the street to tell them about Minecraft, going on and on, relating stories they simply can’t understand, but because he’s adorable, charming and chatty, he’s rewarded with warmth and occasionally, sweets.

Early in the tour, I didn’t have time to miss these guys. Every ounce of worry I had was spent worrying whether a screening would go well, if a file would be corrupted, if the sound would be bad, if I completely missed some horrible mistake in the editing, or if people would simply hate the film. But everyone seems to like the film! Each screening is more encouraging than the one before it. That stress is now completely lifted, and I carry this little USB stick with my head held high to each screening.

So now I have all this extra time spent not worrying about the film, naturally that energy now goes towards quietly tearing up writing this post. Apparently, single dude living isn’t really suiting me the way I thought it might.

I will say, I can’t believe I’m almost halfway through with the tour already. I know I will finish strong, that this tour will continue to be fun (as it has been the entire time), but lately, when someone hears what I am doing and comes back with “Wow, that’s a long time to be away from your family!” I get a pang that stings just a bit more than it first did.

I still do want to see as many of you as I can before the tour is over (I’m actually totally hilarious in person, I promise). There are still tickets available for Denver, Austin, Boston and NYC, so come see the film and hear me be extremely goofy in the post-movie Q and A. It really makes the tour worthwhile to meet new people and see old friends as well. And if you can’t come to a screening, the digital download will be available June 1st and can be pre-ordered here!

Christine Gilbert

I’ve been dragging my husband around the world since 2008 always with the promise that, “Yes, Drew there will definitely be hammocks there.”