Almost Fearless

Last Moments in Chiang Mai

Even as I type this, I’m 6 hours away from our flight to China, not packed, and in complete denial. We are leaving Chiang Mai! At moments I’m heartbroken, imagining all the fun I’ll be missing with the friends I’ve made here. Then I’m excited for China, doing a little dance around the kitchen. After exhausting myself with wildly fluctuating emotions, I collapse on my bed and pretend like I don’t have a single thing to pack. I spent an hour this morning booking a hotel room in Kunming for tonight and Beijing the next day, and it still doesn’t feel real.


I can’t even deal with saying good bye to everyone. It’s really sad to leave, maybe even more so because I know that if I return in six months or a year, it won’t be the same. Most of my friends will be gone. The place will be the same, but feel different. I’ll be chasing a ghost.

This morning Drew took a last walk around the city and snapped some pics with his iPhone. There’s a line in the sand. I feel like our life is starting over again. A friend was writing on Facebook a few months ago about their conflicting emotions around change, taking the leap, starting over. I wrote something to the effect of, “Enjoy it! This is the best part. In a year from now you’ll look back on this moment fondly. You’re alive!”

It’s funny that I’m now in the position to take my own advice. “Enjoy it!” I said. Okay, I’m on it. Next up, Beijing…

Drew’s photos from this morning:

Christine Gilbert

I’ve been dragging my husband around the world since 2008 always with the promise that, “Yes, Drew there will definitely be hammocks there.”



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